What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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