Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize