1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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