Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
