I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
