One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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