I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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