im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
