It's just like the Real World with babies
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
