No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
