so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize