I bet he comes in French.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
