I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
