I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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