It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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