I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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