I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
