I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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