I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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