And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize