Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Green mimosas i think yes
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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