She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
