we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize