thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize