I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
