the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My life is pants optional.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
