then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My ass is underappreciated
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
