You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
