she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
