oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize