I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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