Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
