Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize