I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
