I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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