so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
