I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Randomize
