i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
