ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i am craving dick and cupcakes
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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