My first STD was from a foam party
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
