we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
