Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
