And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
