I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
