Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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