i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
