She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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