My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
