Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
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