I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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