By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
