I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
