is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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