Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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