I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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