Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
