Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
it was like eating out sand paper
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
