God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
