I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize