i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
