Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
