and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
