I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
