maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
