Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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