i think i have two assholes
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
