My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
